Google Searches that Brought Me Readers – Mean Poems to say to Enemies

One of the informative and sometimes hilarious aspects of writing on WordPress is that you get to see how people stumbled on your blog.

I get a lot of search-engine hits from people (no clue who they are) looking for tips on how to get their toddlers to eat well – apparently my veggie post is racking up some hits. I also get quite a few on learning to write, although I’m sad to see that not all of them are looking for what I have said. Too bad I couldn’t be more help.

A little more disconcerting is people who are looking for directions about assembling some version of a platform – whether physical or political. The name of my blog has nothing to do with either of those things, alas for the poor searchers who were waylaid by siren-song of my fascinating title.

Occasionally I’ll see a search that led someone to my blog and think “how in the world did that come up?

One such was the recent search, “mean poems to say at enemies.” While I have never posted anything of the sort, I have to say that this kind of attention is not as discouraging as it could have been. It just so happens that as a teenager I was rather adept at this particular form of raillery. Many are the poems I composed just to satisfy that itch of inferiority deposited in my heart by someone’s snubbing or mistreating me.

None of the guys who inspired these poems (yes, all my girlhood enemies were of the male gender) ever actually saw them. However, despite never having the courage to actually repeat any of these masterpeices to their subjects’ faces, I know some of them will be just the thing for someone out there.

the Pain
down the Drain
He’s got soapsuds
in his brain.
Feed him gruel
feed him grain
‘Cause he’s cruel
‘cause he’s Shane.
the Pain
down the Drain.
He’s got soapsuds
in his brain.

As I recall the wicked child who inspired this poem had compared my intellect to that of an ant’s.  This of course is the simplest form of the mean poem, in which one finds as many rhymes as possible for the target’s name and turns each one into a venomous statement of some sort.

Later I wrote more general poems, not for a specific person but rather for a specific “type.” I still treasure them as examples of how, even as an adolescent, I was a model of the judicious, temperate, and discreet interpersonal problem-solver.

Click here to go to my complete “Mean Poems” page.


  1. I found your blog from Fr. Stephen’s and am very impressed by your writing and generosity of spirit demonstrated in your explanation of your conversion to Orthodoxy. Please keep up the fine work here. Meanwhile, two questions:

    1) What Orthodox writers, and which titles have most influenced you?

    2) My wife and I are about to take the homeschooling plunge with our three children. I continue to be amazed by the quality of writing and general level of education and sophistication I see from HS kids and you are an excellent example. In what style were you educated at home, and how to you intend to homeschool your children, if indeed you are?


  2. Hi, Jim, sorry it took me a while to get back to you. Busy weekend.

    Well I haven’t read much Orthodox material to tell the truth. I guess I have yet to discover the wealth of literature. I’m still working my way through Vladimir Lossky’s ‘Mystical Theology of the Eastern Church.’ I read the acts of the seventh council. I read part of ‘Mystical Theology’ otherwise known as the ‘Cloud of Unknowing.’ but have not finished it yet. I read one of those conversion-story books by Fr. Peter Gilquist. I’ve read some articles and so on by classic authors and a few Tolstoy and Dostoevsky novels. And I’m a regular on Father Stephen’s blog. Somone here recommended a few Orthodox authors I’m interested in, I think it was a comment under my “Fiction” post, but I haven’t gotten to them yet.

    I think Lossky is spectacular and I’m busy comparing his outline of Orthodox Theology to my previous Great Teacher, Jonathan Edwards, so I can correct my thinking and preserve what I have that is good. The thing about learning is that even when it’s not ideal it gives you a platform from which to view other viewpoints and improve your own position.

    Left-leaning education is different because it’s more like anti-learning – it values debunking and deconstruction and it views all belief as superstition. It puts you in a pit from which you can view no other viewpoints sympathetically and from which you can never improve your own position because you are mired in a sort of intellectual arrogance or negative loyalty. I dont see conservative vs. liberal as essentially political positions, although I know they both have their political expressions which must be viewed skeptically and rationally. But as philosophies of learning and life they are not simply two different viewpoints. Rather they form a pre-disposition or pre-condition to culture and learning on the one hand, or anti-culture and unlearning on the other.

    This all leads into homeschooling because the most important benefit of homeschooling is that it’s almost de facto conservative, even if certain non-conservative ideas are being taught.

    But I have a lot to say on this subject so I’m preparing a post. Thanks for the good question.


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